It’s been 5 months.
Back in May I decided to take on the impossible goal and run a half-marathon. You can read all about that decision here. But now, after 5 months of training and running and logging miles, the race is only 2 days away.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous or haven’t struggled to believe I can actually do this. Everyone agrees that if you can run 10 miles, you can run 13.1. While I have accomplished my 10 mile run, 13 still seems far. The last few runs I had weren’t very good. Blisters on my feet have limited my running over the past two weeks. I didn’t want them getting worse before the big day. And it’s been 5 months… of chasing pavement.
This was a big undertaking and it’s kind of taken over my life. It’s not just about making time for a good run, you also have to be mindful of eating healthy, fueling foods and getting plenty of sleep. I’m not complaining… this is one of the first times in my life I’ve chosen to take control of my schedule and put some demands on myself. But I’m tired and the motivation is waning.
We were running hills at our bootcamp workout class the other day and I was thinking, “Man, I’ve been working so hard. What I really want is just a week where I don’t do anything. No running. No classes with Ava. Just nothing.” There was a sense of entitlement in my heart. I’ve earned a break….
I had to check myself right there. After all this time I was still treating the whole process like an event rather than the process of building a healthy lifestyle. My real goal… the one where I choose to live healthy every day, doesn’t finish on Sunday afternoon when I cross the finish line. I’ll have to find some motivation and keep going. This is my life.
With all of this… being tired, having a few bad runs, and just the basic nervousness of doing something I’ve never done before… my head hasn’t been “in the game.” I’ve seen where people who are getting close to their goals or actually accomplishing something great, sabotage themselves out of fear. They get close, and then get scared of becoming the person they wanted to be. I’ve felt this temptation the last few weeks. The doubting and negative self-talk are proof of that.
So I just say no to that fear. No more. I’m ready for this. I’m ready to cross this finish line and keep going. I’ve worked way to hard for fear to come and rob me in the end. I’m more confident in myself than I’ve ever been. I feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt. I am more proud of me than I’ve ever been. Fear of stepping up to the challenge will not take that away.
I’m going to run a half-marathon in two days. I’ll finish. I will accomplish something I never though I could do. My friends will all be there cheering me on, like they have been for months and months.
I’m going to step into something new when I cross that finish line and I’m going to own something I’ve worked hard for. Own… Possess. Then I’m going to put that 13.1 sticker in the back window of my car and proudly tell everyone who gets behind me at a red-light. “I owned that race.”
So let’s go do this thing already…